Saying "Goodbye."
Recently, I’ve been surrounded by loss. My partner’s grandfather passed away a few months back, I lost a friend a few weeks ago, members of my family are dealing with debilitating mental illnesses, cancers, etc... and it got me thinking about the power in saying, “Goodbye.”
Here’s the thing about me–I HATE saying goodbye. I remember one of my first therapy sessions in Chicago, my therapist asked me, “Ricky do you feel like you’re here and that you’ve actually left Ohio? Do you feel like you said ‘Goodbye’?” I will stay at a job I hate WAY longer than I’m supposed to, I won’t end relationships that we’re over months and MONTHS ago because the change is terrifying, etc. The only goodbye I’m “good at” is the “we are too drunk, I’m gonna run away now before one of us says something we really don’t mean in this alley behind your apt.”
When I was home for the holidays, my grandma told me about some family drama and I thought... ya’ll are like 78 years old... you’re just gonna stay mad until someone dies? I get it, I’m a grudge holder but damn. You’re that mad because your sister was 30 minutes late to meet you at Wendy’s for a baked potato?
If you think about your life as a really big book... and all your friends and relationships and jobs and family members are chapters... how can you focus on chapter 25 when you’ve got 24 other chapters, before it, only half read? How can know where you’re going if you haven’t taken the time to wrap things up and given yourself a moment of mindfulness and reflection about your experiences?
I didn’t get to say goodbye to my friend because I was afraid of seeing him THAT close to the end. I wanted to remember him at his best. But... I wish I would have reached out in some way, even half the amount of times I thought about him.
I don’t have much advice... I just wanted to talk. But I guess if you’re out there and you’re holding on to something because you’re afraid, but you know you need to let it go... that shit’s real. And it’s not going to get any easier. Postponing trauma for the “right time,” doesn’t exist. Goodbye is just hard... but have you ever heard a person say, “Man I wish I wouldn’t have forgiven that person,.” or, “I wish I would have stayed longer in that situation that was destroying me,” or, “I wish I hadn’t taken the time out of my day to say ‘goodbye’ to my friend before they passed away?”
Probably not.
You’ve only got so much time. Everyone only has so much time. There’s power in accepting something is over and appreciating closure because nothing lasts forever. Everything in life, is just for now.
<3